Of All Things

OF ALL THINGS - 1921 - Without whose tireless patience, unswerving industry and inexhaustible zeal the Bessemer steel converter would never have become a reality, this book is affectionately dedicated by These sketches appeared originally in Vanity Fair, The New York Tribune Sunday Magazine, Colliers Weekly, Life, and Motor Print, all but two of these magazines immediately afterward having either discontinued pub- lication or changed hands. To those which are old enough to remember, and to the new managements of the others, the author offers grateful acknowledgment for permission to reprint the material in this book. As a matter of fact, permission was never asked, but they probably wont mind anyway. - PREFACE - WHEN, in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Natures God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, -that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, -That whenever any Form of Government be- comes destructiv of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, asto them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are suf- ferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their own future security. Such has been the patient suf- ferance of these Colonies and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an abso- lute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. R. C. B. The Rookery Breerning Downs Wippet-cum-Twyne New York City August 24 1921 CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGP I THE SOCIAL LIFE OF THE NEWT . . 3 I1 COFFEE, MEGG AND ILK, PLEASE 10 I11 WHEN GENIUS REMAINED YOUB HUMBLE SERVANT . . . . . 18 IV THE TORTURES OF WEEK-END VISIT- I N G . . . . . ., . . . 32 V GARDENING NOTES . . ., . V1 LESSONNUMBERONE .. L 43 . . . . 5. V11 THOUGHTS ON FUEL SAVING . . . 65 V111 NOT ACCORDING TO HOE . . . 77 IX FROM NINE TO FIVE . ., . . . 89 X TURNING OVER A NEW LEDGER LEAP 102 XI A PIECE OF ROAST BEEF . . . . 110 XI1 THE COMMUNITY MASQUE AS A SUB- STITUTE FOR WAR . . . . 121 XI11 CALL FOR MR. KENWORTHY . . X30 XIV FOOTBALL COURTESY OFMR. MORSE 142 XV A LITTLE DEBIT IN YOUR TONNEAU 153 XVI A ROMANCE IN ENCYCLOPBDIA LAND 161 XVII THE PASSING OF THE ORTHODOX PARADOX . . .. . . 168 ix X CONTENTS CHAPTEE PAGE EXPLAINED . . . 175 XVIII SHAKESPEARE XIX Tm SCIENTIFIC SCENARIO . . . 180 XX Tm MOST POPUL BOOK OF TBE MONTH ., . . . . . 187 AFTERNOON . . . . 193 XXI CHRISTMAS XXII m, VERNAL EQUINOX . . . 200 TABLOID EDITIONS