Celebrities - Little Stories About Famous Folk (1923)

Text extracted from opening pages of book: CELEBRITIES r * About Famous Folk:::: ':: By COULSON KERNAHAN: Author of in Good Company, Pistons Old and New Gaptain Shannon etc. WITH TWELVE ILLUSTRATIONS LONDON: HUTCHINSON 6-CO. PATERNOSTER ROW 1923 fi fcs - II 0) . bio o. S THE DEDICATION BY WAY OF A CHANGE FROM CELEBRITIES I DEDICATE These pages to an old, dearly-loved, and never-forgotten friend, a little story of whom ( as of him I have no conversations to record, from him no letters to print) is told in the following doggerel, which, for Want of a better title, I call f THE BOX WITH NO ADDRESS/' WHEN you send your friend a letter, Or better still, much better, A present, your good wishes to express, Send you cash, cigars, or game on, There's invariably a name on, And of course it's most important - an address. If a horse -' Us in a horse-box ( You will see that it, of course, locks); If a cycle - you will pack it in a crate; And, as plain as you are able, You will write upon the label The name, address, and, possibly, the date. But to you, my cultured reader, As to me, a speed-exceeder In the writing of unutterable rot, There will come a day, perhaps distant, Or near, and more insistent, When ours will be what's called the common lot.' vii viii Dedication They will put us in a box, then ( We shan't mind about the locks then), And some will speak to blame and some to bless; When that box away they're sending, Day of birth and day of ending, And our names they'll write in full > but no address. Yours, of course, will be To Heaven/' But in me, alas 1 a leaven Of the World, the flesh and devil, I must own; And I think in fact I'm certain When at last there drops the curtain, It will bea case of Goneaddress unknown. ii I'd a Friend in years behind me, Who never failed to find me; He was taken once two hundred miles by train; ' Twas a road he'd never travelled ( Me' twould hopelessly have gravell'd ), But God guided him, and back he came again. Dragged back, fainting, broken, beaten ( I doubt if he had eaten), What about a lethal chamber ? said the vet. But his eyes with love were shining And his eyes for love were pining, And his cry when first he saw me haunts me yet. When, next day, I found him lifeless ( Those were lonely times, and wifeless), Found him lying by the fireside, where he died His shaggy head beside, then, I laid my head and cried, then. What, you cried about a dog, Sir ? Yes, I cried. in I have other friends, and newer; I shall never have a truer, And if anything that's mortal can survive, ' Tis such love as that he bore me; Though a dog, and gone before me, I am positive that' somewhere he's alive. Dedication ix In a box, one day, they'll put me, Out of sight of sun will shut me, And some will speak to blame, and some to bless; On that box, away when sending, Day of birth and day of ending, And my name they'll write in full tut no address. But there's one, I think, will know it ( Will a pitying angel show it ?); And when I stagger, sick and faint and blind, Up against the Next World's grating, He'll be watching, he'll be waiting, For the master whom he loved and left behind. CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I. THE STORY OF, AND SOME STORIES TOLD AT, A LONG AGO LITERARY DINNER - - - 17 II. TREE SEES IRVING HOME, AND OTHER STORIES OF TWO GREAT ACTORS - - - 3 III. PHILIP MARSTON, THE BLIND POET, AND HIS CIRCLE 43 IV. THE FUNERAL SERVICE ( SERMON PREACHED BY SIRA. CONAN DOYLE) OF A ONCE-FAMOUS CLUB. INCLUDING WHEN SARAH BERNHARDT KEPT A DUCHESS AND A PRIME MINISTER WAITING FOR THEIR LUNCH - - - - 63 V. FREDERICK LOCKER-LAMPSON - - - 79 VI. THE LITTLE STORY ABOUT A CELEBRITY ( SWINBURNE) WHICH i DID NOT WRITE - 93 VII. MAINLY ABOUT MR. BERNARD SHAW, WITH SOME INSTANCES OF RETORTS COURTEOUS OR DIS COURTEOUS -----IOI VIII. A KING'S TACT AND A PRIME MINISTER'S FORGET FULNESS: SOME ANECDOTES OF KING EDWARD AND THE LATE LORD SALISBURY - IX. GEORGE GROSSMITH FOUNDS A CLUB, AND OTHER GROSSMITH STORIES -----X. LORD N