The Florentine Chair - A Comic Idyll

AH said the sexton, with a grim chuckle, they all go along the church- yard path one time or another, every man and maid of em, every wife and widder. Aint many as get through the world without baptism or burial. Aint many, even, as get through without marriage. Which is the second death, said Raymond, without removing his pipe from his profane lips. Shakespeare said something the same, with a slightly stronger literary flavour. Every man of your profession should know Hamlet by heart. The sexton laid down his scythe, and mopped his brow with an azure hand kerchief. He was mowing the small meadow that intervened between Raymonds cottage and the churchyard. The sun was at the apex of the cloudless, clear blue dome of the sky, and the sextons face, like a round red moon, reflected its glory. Raymond lay in the shade and watched him. Raymond was a hedonist. I dont know no tongues, said the sexton in myyoung days there werent all these new-fangled tricks o teachin, piano-playin and the like. I wasbrought up to my trade, and to my trade Ive stuck. Adams profession the oldest in the world, murmured Raymond. I believe yer, said the sexton solemnly. Except Eves, Raymond added. Eh queried the sexton. Being tempted, and tempting, Raymond explained. The sexton began to mow again. Far above him a lark sang its wonderful lyric. The bees boomed among the roses, and in the tall sweet-scented grass small creatures rustled mysteriously. It is possible went on the philo- sopher beneath the hedge, that you have never thought very much about the female sex. Only a married man can take women seriously. Have you ever been married, man of bones Not I replied the sexton with a snort. Womens a luxury. Not forme, I reckon. Your point of view is usually original, said Eaymond. It is ob- vious that you neither read nor write modern literature. But I think you are wrong, though the error is a kindly one. To pronounce woman a luxury is to excuse nay, to praise her. The history of humanity proves, however, with distressing logic, that she is as necessary as air, or food, or death your speciality. A wifes a luxury, chuckled the heedless sexton, as he laid down his scythe by the hedge. So is bad champagne to some people, said Raymond severely. Dinner-time, said the sexton, and began to move away. He was obviously content with his own philosophy. Raymond contemplated his retreating figure pensively. And yet, he said at last and yet he has seen, perhaps he has even supported, many a tearful bride- groom through life. I was wrong the first sad scene of his he is no thinker he is but a stylist hag-ridden by the per- fection of his phrase. I believe he is muttering it still. He raised his voice to a pitch audible to the now-distant sexton. She isnt he cried. The sexton halted, looked back, and wagged his absurd old head. A THE luxury, thats what she is shouted. he Raymond lay down, convulsed with laughter. A moment later he was startled into a guiltily erect posture. Some one had come through the gate close to him. I hope Iamnot trespassing said a voice. You are, said -Raymond, peering unless round the hawthorn sprays youre my landlord or his wife, theres not the least atom of doubt that you are. A dress of soft, clinging white stuff swished through the grass, and the trespasser came and stood in front of him. At the first sight of her he re- gretted his hasty speech. She was not in the least like hislandlord or his land- lords wife...