Is massage an expression of man's hunger for the human touch? Can sex be a natural culmination to a pleasurable massage? Is a good masseuse likely to be a passionate lover? How does the massage experience vary from the West to the East? What are the different services that are on offer for the uninitiated? Massage No Boom Boom answers all these questions, and more. It is a boisterously funny, no-holds-barred undercover investigation into the complex and explosive world of massage, by someone who has received more than 3,500 massages from more than a thousand women across twenty countries all over the world. A travelogue that begins in uptight America and then moves to hedonistic East Asia, and finally to puritanical India, Massage No Boom Boom is a veritable catalogue of the varieties of massages that one can experience, from the Tantric Massage to the Sandwich Massage and the Lingam and Yoni Massage. Parallel runs the story of the author's own transformation, from being a klutz in the States to gradually becoming a frequent diner at many an Asian woman's breast. Pausing occasionally for philosophical explorations of freedom, identity and desire, this is at once a cross-cultural critique, a humanist sociological text and a laugh-along guide that will amuse, inform, provoke, and above all, delight all true lovers of liberty and unbuttoned, uncensored language.