Dear Viewer,
If you enjoy movies lled with singing rabbits,
exploding spaceships, or cheerleaders, you are holding
the wrong DVD entirely. This movie is extremely
alarming, an expression which here means “a thrilling
misadventure involving three ingenious orphans
and a villainous actor named Count Olaf (Carrey)
who wants their enormous fortune.” It includes
a suspicious re, delicious pasta, Jim Carrey,
poorly behaved leeches, an incredibly deadly
viper, Meryl Streep, and the voice of an
imposter named Jude Law. The only things
that could make such a spectacle more
upsetting are special features, such as
commentary by me or outtakes involving
nervous laughter.
I am bound to continue my research
into the lives of the Baudelaire
orphans, but you are free to seek
lighter fare, like bleu cheese fondue.
With all due respect,